Autism and Asperger’s Diagnosis

Yesterday, I was formally diagnosed with Autism and Asperger’s by a specialist in the NHS after a 2.5 hour assessment. The formal report will follow, then I can understand better.

Is it okay to tell you? Because this is a really big thing for me. It affects absolutely everything in my life. No wonder I obsess, no wonder I am abrupt, no wonder people call me insensitive, no wonder, no wonder, no wonder…..

I think it’s going to take a while to sink in.

I’m 54 years old, why go for a diagnosis at my age?

When years of physical illness has no apparent reason other than a response to stress because I cannot speak my internal experience, when I’ve already been through a 9 year therapy mill to reach accountability as a psychotherapist and counsellor, yet I am still weird. When I have processed lots of past events and unfinished emotions, yet I am still an odd-bod. When it affects those around me to such an extent that it threatens relationships. When I get stuck in so many areas for no apparent reason…

It’s probably time to dig a little deeper. It’s probably a good idea to understand why writing is so therapeutic for me and being creative to such an extent that I disappear into it for days or weeks at a time and forget feed myself! It’s probably a good idea to understand why I could eat chicken sandwiches and cheesy crisps from the co-op supermarket every single day and be non-plussed about why my partner wants a different meal every day. Or why I go stir crazy if people call or visit (even if I am expecting them) and I am in the middle of something, my routine and structure, for goodness sake, it’s nothing personal! It is because I’m an alien from the planet zonk, whose idea of friendship is to wander off into a field and enjoy nature, alone!

Words escape me today, there seems to be an empty space before me.

Perhaps this is the space for the remainder of my life as an alien? But with Super Powers :):):)

Thanks for listening 🙂 I needed that. I will do my best to write about writing and psychotherapy in the future.

Have a lovely blessed day.

Paula.

Transitions

Life is filled with transitions. That is what helps me to describe the chaos in between the change. When a client has spoken to me about a difficult time and there is no resolution to their circumstances, I will often say, ‘you’re going through a transition, be kind to yourself, change will happen when you least expect and you’ll receive a learning sooner or later, just be still and be patient with yourself.’

Sometimes it works, and we are able to explore the client’s current situation and how they are coping with whatever life is throwing at them. Other times the client’s experience is so painful or unbearable that it feels insensitive to say in time this too will pass. And this is a time when ‘holding a session’, trusting further the power of the Holy Spirit to deliver enough strength, to find the right words to say, or not to say. This is a time when silent strength fully takes its place.

Why am I telling you this?

Because the time between running the show on our own and letting God lead the way, is difficult for most people a lot of the time. It’s a little bit like abseiling and not putting trust in the well known and trusted equipment. You’ve seen other people abseil down the cliff, you’re afraid of heights but want to achieve this new venture, there is even a guide at the top and finish of the equipment to ensure they see you off the top and break your fall. This equipment is the best, it has been tested hundreds of times.

But the next step is yours. Only you can do this…put on the harness, the armour, the protection…trust in its Power, see the destination, its yours. Be helped, be guided, remind yourself everything is going to be okay. Trust. Let go into His arms.

I wrote this blog during my prayer time.

And to compliment this blog post, my daily reading was associated with Joshua 1:9,

Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9 KJV

And here’s how it all began…

July 2007 – One sunny and rose tinted glorious afternoon deep in the Lincolnshire Countryside…

For the first time ever, we are sharing our life with Real Nature, and something amazing is happening to us…

This is much more than rose-tinted glasses and impulsive decisions: it’s a sweet and glorious day. It is the beginning of our life-changing transition. It is the marking of many moments together when we can spiritually acknowledge being part of God’s boundless creation.

If we are to live in this new environment, we must learn how to share. Not to change the beauty, but to give generously, as Nature does with us. Even the tiniest bud on the smallest flower in our garden has its own turn in The Great Almighty’s plan.

We are learning to respect Nature… And we are learning, wherever we are… to inhale, to savour, to take notice, to listen, to feel our internal response, to acknowledge, natural life:

Our God is in all things. It took us both some time to realise this.

And this love is for our receiving, if we choose…

through faith, integrity, but most of all, through true love.

Be blessed.

Amen.