Yesterday, I was diagnosed with Autism and Asperger’s by a specialist in the NHS after a 2.5 hour assessment. The formal report will follow, then I can understand better.
Is it okay to tell you? Because this is a really big thing for me. It affects absolutely everything in my life. No wonder I obsess, no wonder I am abrupt, no wonder people call me insensitive, no wonder, no wonder, no wonder…..
I think it’s going to take a while to sink in.
I’m 54 years old, why go for a diagnosis at my age?
When years of physical illness has no apparent reason other than a response to stress because I cannot speak my internal experience, when I’ve already been through a 9 year therapy mill to reach accountability as a psychotherapist and counsellor, yet I am still weird. When I have processed lots of past events and unfinished emotions, yet I am still an odd-bod. When it affects those around me to such an extent that it threatens relationships. When I get stuck in so many areas for no apparent reason…
It’s probably time to dig a little deeper. It’s probably a good idea to understand why writing is so therapeutic for me and being creative to such an extent that I disappear into it for days or weeks at a time and forget feed myself! It’s probably a good idea to understand why I could eat chicken sandwiches and cheesy crisps from the co-op supermarket every single day and be non-plussed about why my partner wants a different meal every day. Or why I go stir crazy if people call or visit (even if I am expecting them) and I am in the middle of something, my routine and structure, for goodness sake, it’s nothing personal! It is because I’m an alien from the planet zonk, whose idea of friendship is to wander off into a field and enjoy nature, alone!
Words escape me today, there seems to be an empty space before me.
Perhaps this is the space for the remainder of my life as an alien? But with Super Powers :):):)
Thanks for listening 🙂 I needed that.
How did you feel after your diagnosis?